I am going to talk about a very taboo topic in the Christian community and that is porn. I can't remember how I was when I started watching porn, but I was well below the legal age limit. I was a very curious kid during my childhood, but the things that caught my interest was the wrong stuff. It started with watching the cheesy gay version of the dating shows on MTV back in the day, then it graduated to logging on to the chat rooms dedicated to the LGBTQ community, from there the people introduced me to webcams chatrooms, and after seeing amateur performers on their webcams, I finally graduated to real pornography and stayed there for the rest of my childhood and part of my young adulthood. I never really knew how strong the ties of porn was until I realized I wanted to quit porn. I wanted to leave the homosexual lifestyle altogether because I got saved in 2012, but my problem was that I didn't put in any work thinking that it would just disappear with prayer and baptism. So, when the same temptations from the enemy came, I fell hard and there is no excuse for my actions. For the longest, I thought I would be stuck with the sin of homosexuality for the rest of my life, but that was a lie that was whispered to me by Satan himself. I struggled with porn and my sexuality to the point where I was beating myself up every time I caved in to watching porn or fornicated. I was lock into a battle with my flesh and my problem was that I trying to win by myself.
Eventually, I was able to stop fornicating for a year and some months until I slip up recently. However, porn was harder to stop cold turkey because there was always the thought in the back of my head that "at least I wasn't having sex." The problem with that statement that God revealed to me is I was having sex just with myself, and it was a sin in his eyes when I masturbate and lust after other men. Realizing that I have no self-control since I could easily go back to porn after a long hiatus. That why I had to download Covenant Eyes because I needed something to block me from going there and stop ruining the building relationship that I am having with Christ. Although it only been a couple of weeks, I am glad that I have a filtering system in place that is stopping from accessing the sites, and accountability system in place so I can talk to my best friend in case the urge of porn arises. Also, she can see what sites I been looking at so I don't get off course. The Holy Spirit was bugging me to subscribe to Covenant Eyes for months every time I see an ad and to know that it there is like a peace of mind. I am grateful to the man who created Covenant Eyes because God used that man to release the chains of pornography off many men across this country and possibly the world.
I can truly say I am a different person now than who I was back in 2012. Heck, I will like I am a different person now than who I was back at the beginning of the year. The difference is that I am trying to make a change in my life and I am realizing that no sin including homosexuality has no holds over me. The enemy is smart and takes his time setting up strongholds in our life from childhood all the way until death if you let him. We have to realize that he was defeated over 2000 years ago, and even though his attacks are hard, they are not bigger than our God. I am reminded every day on how much God loves his children because he sent his only son to die on the cross for us. I know I made some mistakes in my lifetime, but I chose Jesus and turned from my sins and followed him with my cross on my back.
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